SAMIJOAMI

New Painting

2011-12-31T19:51:00.000-08:00

So remember the painting that my parents wanted well I started a painting before Christmas thinking I'll paint them something new to distract them from this "Leaves" one they want. I even told myself "Sam DO NOT get attached to this painting, you ARE giving it to your parents!" Well have way through the work I knew I wasn't going to give it to them. I thought "CRAP, I just spent three hours on a gift for myself. Christmas is in four days what am I going to give them now!" Again I only used the palette knife to get the texture in this new work. I getting really into the texture and clearly I'm not affraid of color at the moment. So after finishing the blues and greens I thought maybe if I touch it with white maybe I'll wreck it and won't want to keep it anymore. NOPE! I loved it. It came to look like snow falling in a dark blue night and it matched the other painting so well, now following a seasons theme that I didn't mean to create that I knew I need to keep them together and couldn't give them to my parents. Needless to say they disowned me. But can you blame me?! They're beautiful right?

Now serious question what do I title them? (Che' you were always so much better at this than I was please help) Both remind me of impressionism like Van Gogh's work (no where as good as him but impressionistic all the same). A co-worker asked about the blue piece before I told her anything about it if it was "Starry Night". So that got me thinking that I should call the piece "Snowy Night" and the other "Autumn Impressions" from a letter that he wrote to his brother Theodore about one of his paintings. What do you think? Is that too cliche'? I wasn't thinking about Van Gogh's work when I painted these at all but he is one of my favorite artists. If I didn't title them that way I would just call them "Snow" and "Leaves". So please help me and let me know you opinion on the work and titles. Thanks all!!!

Great Art History Blog

2011-12-28T10:42:00.000-08:00

Thanks to my friend Nik I've been reading this Art History Blog that I've really been enjoying now that I'm not in school anymore. I'm such an Art History junkie and these discussions are just the fix I've been craving. So if you're interested check it out, I really do recommend it.

Thanks again Nik for introducing me to Monica's Blog.

http://albertis-window.com/

My New Portfolio

2011-11-18T21:17:00.000-08:00

Well needless to say I didn't run the half-marathon. . . between getting sick twice in a month and then my mom going to the hospital for a week I couldn't exercise and finish my training. I'll still exercise but I'm past the desire to run 13 miles. The farthest I've got to was 8 miles and even those I was getting sick of. So while I'm not as desciplined at exercising hopefully you will be proud and happy to hear that I have been using my time painting instead.

I haven't worked in color since Snow College so these first two were meant to be a study to play and practice using color but I ended up making something I'm really happy with what was created. The red is an abstract of a calla lillie and the blue is abstract lille, both have circles representing the water drops on the flowers.

This next one was painted with my palette knife only. I was getting so into the texture of my palette knife that I forgot to use my brushes. I really liked this because clean up was a lot easier. The painting is the impressions of the leaves as they fall or blow in the wind. The texture adds a lot to the work and I really liked what I created. My parents have liked this work so much that they decided they want them. I begged them not to take them as I never get to keep my own work, usually I gift them. But to them because they created me by proxi they believe they own the rights to anything I create. I told them they couldn't afford how much I was going to charge for these but Dad said he'd put that under "gave you life." :)

My co-workers have enjoyed my work as well. This last work is a commission from a co-worker who is decorating her new house and wanted an origional artwork to put up there. Her favorite color is purple and she painted her walls grey so I'm hoping she likes this work and that it will fit nicely in her home. I've never painted for money before or even ever sold an of my art so I'm not quite sure what is a fair price. I know you are suppose to take the cost of the material and the hours of time that you used to create the work into consideration but I'm not sure still. I was thinking around $80-$100. Do you think that's reasonable? I'm also not sure if I fully love the work. The colors are great but the shapes seem a little cliche'. What do you guys think? Do you like it?

My Heritage

2011-04-09T18:32:00.000-07:00

Recently I read my patriarchal blessing for the first time in about three years. I don't read it because it doesn't give me the hope I yearn for about my future family that I desire so badly for. Forgive me I know that's not the point of this blessing, it's not a magic eight ball but sometimes I wish it was. As part of my repentance I've been changing my attitude and seeking the Lord's guidance with this tool as well as others. This time there were a few phrases that stuck out such as this one: "Remember your progenitors. Seek to learn of their lives and to understand the heritage which you have received from them and how you can bless their lives."

This is how well Heavenly Father knows me personally. For about a year and a half I've been trying to spend more time with my grandparents, cleaning their house twice a month and visiting with the ones in Salt Lake, and writing letters to my grandma down in Manti. I figure I've been blessed to have them all still alive these 27 years of my life and I should take advantage of the time I have with them. The more time I spend with them the more attached I get, which is both good and bad, 'cause when their time comes it's not going to be easy. They've blessed my life so much so the least I can do is reach out and get to know them better and try and help them where I can.

It was my Granie and Gramps Broadhead 's 80th birthday party and Jesi and I made them a quilt of our family tree on it. Starting with them on the bottom branching out to each of us kids and grandkids. Here some pictures of that.

Jesi really did all the sewing and it was her idea, I just drew the tree and wrote all the names of the family members 'cause I have cute handwriting. Jesi is really talented at sewing she's been making blankets and purses for friends and gifts.

Granie has made each of her grandkids quilts to be given to them for their wedding, so we thought it might be nice to make her a blanket. I think she really liked.

They do more than the normal Grandparent stuff. They've given my family the eternal foundation, love and support for us to build our lives upon. This is the heritage they've given me and for that I'm eternally gratiful.

Leprechaun 10K

2011-04-09T12:48:00.000-07:00

I participated in the Lady of the Lourdes Catholic School 10K this St. Patrick's Day with my friends at work. It's a fun race that starts on the East side of the Capital Building, going up City Creek for 3 miles and then continuing down the next 3 miles ending in Memory Grove. Everyone dresses in green and St. Patrick's Day costumes. My Co-worker Pat Noteboom's sons go to that school and he's been volunteering to be in charge of the race for the past three years now so we not only participated by running in the race but we helped with the T-Shirts and getting the runner's packages together. We really do it to support Pat's family rather than the school itself but as Pat says it's good to put in some volunteer time with the Catholic Church just in case God turns out to be Catholic. I love his attitude about different faith's, to him we're all children of God, no matter what we believe . . . and I agree.

This is my friend Rebekah (she thought she was funny and closed her eyes), her little girl Teagan walked the one mile health walk with Rebekah and our friend Melissa. It took them an hour as Teagan explored the trail, picking flowers and petting the dogs there at the event with the other runners.

This is our friend Melissa, she dressed up as a Leprechaun Yetty. Head to toe in this homemade yarn suit that took her two months to crochet. She won the Best Costume Award!!!

My goal was to finish the 6.2 miles in an hour and a half, but as I started going up City Creek I found it difficult to jog at all up the .5% incline to the half way point. It took me an hour to do those first 3 miles and as I saw all the other runners start back down I thought for sure I was deadlast. This bothered me a little until I changed my attitude and started being proud of my placement. It wasn't until I started back down the canyon that I realized that I was actually in 2nd to last place, another girl was treking her way up too. The way down these last 3 miles was easier as I found I could jog again down the hill. It only took me half an hour to run those miles and I crossed the finish line at one hour and 31 min. My friends Melissa, Rebekah, Teagan and Pat were there to cheer me to the finish. Not bad for my first time running outside, in the cold weather, and with inclines this season. Besides like my friends say it is better to finish dead last than not finishing at all, and it is better to not finish at all than to not start in the first place. The point is that I'm still having fun exercising and getting more fit for the upcoming half marathon I'm running this July 31st in San Francisco. Wish me luck!

My First Christmas Tree

2010-11-30T11:22:00.000-08:00

My sister and I saw this 6' pre-lit Christmas Tree from Target for $50 when we went shopping on Black Friday around 10am (we're not early risers even on big shopping days) and ended up paying $25 for it because of the sale. . . which was a great steal of a deal until we realized that I grabbed the multicolored lighted tree instead of the white lighted tree that I wanted. So you'll call me crazy but we decided to buy a string of white lights and spent 2 hours exchanging the colored bulbs we didn't want with the white bulbs, leaving only the red, green and yellow lights to match the red, gold and brown ornaments and ribbons that we got to decorate the tree with. My fingers started to hurt after the first hour and the white lights were a little smaller than the multicolored bulbs and so we had to tape those in . . . but you know how if one light goes out they all go out . . . needless to say this started to become a nightmare of a project. But once I got the lights the way I wanted them and finished decorating the tree with the red and gold ribbons, christmas balls and brown glittered stars I knew that this gorgeous tree was worth the pain and trouble. The artistic and homemaker side of me was in heaven and I'm really proud of my first christmas tree. So what do you think? Was it worth all that work?

Mission Memories

2010-04-16T22:49:00.000-07:00

A friend came over tonight and some how we started talking about my mission. So naturally I rambled on about this story and that, only this time for some reasons I decided to show her all my pictures and videos. Making this short conversation about how I got kissed on the mission to a whole nights worth of story telling down memory lane. Here are some of the funny pictures that really only my family has seen.

My first winter and Christmas my mother sent me the traditional Christmas PJs only she must have been worried that I was freezing in the new england winter because she sent me these footy pajamas. I didn't think they made footy pjs for 21 year olds but I learn new things everyday.

Keeping my hair straight in New Jersey's humidity was a challenge, especially when it down right poured rain. This picture was taken one rainy PD at Target. I didn't want to get my hair wet making it curly so I improvised.

Then there were the days that were so hot that my shoes literally melted into the tar road. That's New Jersey for you.

New Jersey is sometimes pretty ghetto, but I love it. Like this beautiful garden with it's plastic fork border. They also would take fake flowers from the store and plant them in the ground.

But overall I found New Jersey to be beautiful. I loved my mission and I treasure these memories with all my heart.

God's solution

2010-04-01T19:33:00.000-07:00

Let me preference this with this is not a april fools joke . . .

Yesturday I wrote about the conundrum I was having about this apartment my sister wants to move into, today I'm going to write about how God took care of things for me. I went to that $899 three bedroom apartment this morning and needless to say I didn't like it. It was off State street and so even driving into the apartment complex I didn't have a good feeling about it. But we took a look and as we walked in the smell of smoke made up my mind even before I saw the small bedrooms and dirty carpet.

This made me feel a little better of course that the extra money was worth it when you consider the greater apartment we'd be getting, but this didn't solve my own money worries. When I got to work my boss wanted to see me and I started to panic. With the economy things at the lab have been up and down, you never know what could happen and I'm not exactly the top of the totem-pole. I literally was shaking with nerviousness and so I said a prayer for peace before I went in. I kept thinking that if they had to let me go that this would be my answer, I'd have to move home after all. But instead my boss let me know that starting later this month I would have a 50 cent raise.

I couldn't believe it, in fact I started to think that it was a joke, but however funny Kyle, my boss might be, he wouldn't do that. So then I started to say a new prayer, this one in gratitude. Heavenly Father had anwered my prayer. As small as an extra 50 cents a hour may be it was the key to helping me feel okay with taking the nice apartment. It's as if God was saying that it was okay to live there and here's some extra confidence to help you feel comfortable. I feel reassured that I won't lose my job and therefore feel more comfortable finacially.

So thanks for your comments yesturday, but God has answered my prayers and I feel good about where He'd like me to be.

My Conundrum

2010-03-31T19:08:00.000-07:00

So my sister Jesi has let me know that she does not want to live in this aparment anymore and that at the end of our contract this June/July we are going to move to a new apartment. That's not the real problem, the real conundrum is that the place that she has found and fallen in love with is a little expensive. My finances as they are a little tight between my new car, insurance (health and car) and school. It's a three bedroom apartment for $1045 a month, in which she could get the master bedroom and master bathroom, our friend Stephanie from parents ward would get the garage to park her car, leaving me with my own room (same size as Steph) sharing the 2nd bathroom with Steph. I'm the only one to not get any extra or special which is fine if I pay less rent then the others. Isn't that how it should go?

Everyone I've talked to said that the one with the master bedroom should pay $50 more and I don't know what the garage would be worth, but Jesi feels that because we are friends and family they shouldn't be charged as much for the extra perks as everyone says they should. So she took $30 off my third of the potential rent making my total $319 and both of them $364 a month. That's less than I'm paying now which is nice but with the extra utilities even being spilt by three I'm worried that things are still going to be tight. I don't want to live pay check to pay check like she does. I want to put money into savings every month so that I can travel if I want (I've been craving New York pretty bad) or be able to go to a concert or buy that pair of shoes without having to worry about paying my bills.

I don't know maybe I'm just overthinking this? I mean it is really nice apartment and the rent she's offering is less than what I pay now. I don't know it just makes me a little nervious. I'm going to go see a 3 bedroom apartment tomorrow for only $899 a month, maybe if I see how bad the $900 apartments are I'll feel more comfortable living in this $1000 one. Or perhaps the $900 one will be just as good and I'll see the other one is too much. The problem really depends on that and if Jesi likes it cause I want her to be happy too, it's just that she's picky and she has the money to be because she's not in school and so she can work more.

If I decide I don't like the apartment she does I'm not sure whats going to happen. We might have to split ways and I might have to move back home cause I can't afford to live by myself. That wouldn't be too bad, I really like my family but I'm 25 and I've been out on my own for almost 7 years between living at Snow college, my mission and these two years living with my sister.

Wow that felt good to get off my chest! So what do you think? I know it will all turn out okay but I want things to be fair and I really want to be comfortable financially.

Death by Italian

2010-03-16T21:52:00.000-07:00

I've decided that my italian class this semester may be the actual death of me this time. I have a new professoressa who is more strict about the compiti e esame (homework and tests). I don't think that I am failing but I am pretty sure that I am not getting that B range grade that I have been able to pull off these past two years. Two years of this language and I am still struggling. . . ma va va (oh come on!) I met some return missionaries at my cousin homecoming this week who just returned from their missions in Italy. It was fun to talk in Italian with them, what little I could understand and speak, but it made me think that maybe I shouldn't have prayed so hard to be an english speaking missionary cause I could really use the gift of tongues right now. Especially when I found out that I have to have a B grade for grad school. Here I am a senior and ready to take the passing C grade just to be done with it when I find out about the grad school thing . . . again I say ma va va.

But don't worry I'm not going to die without a fight. I'll give it all I've got and then some. So wish me luck or at least say a prayer for me. Perche io bisogno di lo. (Because I need it.)

Senior Thesis

2009-10-05T20:55:00.000-07:00

I just turned in my proposal for my Senior Thesis and having never done anything like this I am nervious about how I did. Therefore I am going to use this as a sounding board. My senior seminar class this semester is emphasized on Dutch Genre Paintings in the 17th century. I am focusing my thesis on a serious of paintings from this time in which a number of artists have painted images of paintings within their own paintings. Many historians have researched and theorized about the meaning of these paintings and the reasons for these Dutch artists to include them in their works. While I agree that some of these paintings-within-paintings present some interesting theories to explaining what the overall painting's meaning may be I don't think that all of them were meant to be intrepretted. Some historians take their theories and interpretations to far. Perhaps they were just paintings on the walls of these Dutch artist's world. It's like the wall labels in a museum that explain the meaning of an artwork that you are veiwing. While some may be a good intrepretation of the piece, sometimes it's worth ignoring the museums point of view so that you can enjoy the work for your self and make your own theories. My favorite example of this is a work by Johannes Vermeer: A woman holding a balance 1662. The painting behind this woman is of the Last Judgement, this has created theories that Vermeer meant for this piece to have a religious meaning as if the woman is weighing the ideals between good and bad.

So what do you think? Does any of this make sense? Clearly I still have a lot of research to do as I work out my arguement and try to bring in the arguements of others, but I think I have a basis for a good thesis. Even if you don't know much about Art history I would appreciate your thoughts, questions, or critique. Thanks all.

Pictures worth a 1000 words

2009-07-18T21:50:00.000-07:00

England

Roman Gate, Germany

Calai, France

Eifle Tower, France

Arch of Triump, France

Dover Castle, England

Luxenburg

Saint Chapelle, France

Holland

Brugge, Belgium

Notre Dame,

France

Louvre, France

Paris, France

Oh, how I love Paris!

And this isn't even the half of what I saw!

God's opened window for Me

2009-06-12T22:06:00.001-07:00

Lately I have been feeling depressed about my state of life . . . what else is new . . . as I saw door after door of life opportunities being slammed shut on me. I saw others around me, naming no names, who I saw soar with their lives as God opened different doors of opportunity for them, and I started to wonder when was it my turn for happiness. Only you know that saying that when God closes a door somewhere he opens a window, well it's true! You'd think I'd have learned that from my "troubles come in three" situation but I didn't. I have been holding on to the sting and the hurt of slammed door on a life of love that my experience with Aaron caused me for so long that I didn't see the windows that this brought to my life. Instead I felt myself suffocating in a room with all closed doors as I impatiently waited for God to open my window. But now I understand. I may still not be 100% happy with my single status but at least now I can see the blessings that I may have because of it.
Before Aaron I had dreams to go to Europe, to see and experience the art that I was studying and learning about, but because of my dream to have a family I put that dream on the back burner. When the door was slammed to get married I felt like it was the end of my dreams but now that I am going to France for two weeks I understand that by slamming one door, which wasn't the right door at that time anyway, God has opened the window to a life dream of mine. I don't mean to be so metaphorical but the point is that just when I was feeling at my wits end in frustration and depression with the way I saw my life not going (no future family or career) and the lack of the things I want more than anything, God knowing my pain and loneliness gives me a blessing to help me breathe and feel of importance again. It's just a wonder that He is so patient and forgiving to His the very impatient and frustrated daughter that I am as I wait for His timing and plan in opening life's doors of opportunity for me.

Troubles come in threes

2009-02-10T21:47:00.000-08:00

I have had the must crazy five weeks in my life and it all involves my stink'n car. It started New Years Eve, I was in California with my family and my car was safely parked at my apartment . . . so I thought. However someone backup into my car and put a huge dent in my fender making it impossible to open my passenger door. No biggy the girl that hit me was really nice and responsible about it, but that's just the first trouble. Then about a week later I parked at my apartment building for 10 minutes before leaving to go see my sister after her surgery but when I went back outside to leave my car was gone. My car got towed!!! That's number 2. Then this last Friday I was at work all day and when I got off at 6:40pm and went to my car I realized that someone had bashed in my passenger side window and had stolen my radio. That's freakin number 3!!! I am so sick of all these troubles with my car. It's cost me too much money and will cost me more after number 3, and without a window or the ability to turn on the heat (they took the whole piece of dashboard that my radio was in) I am freezing in this weather. I know that when it rains it pours but come on enough is enough right?! But I do have to say that through all of this not everything has been bad, the Lord blessed me with a good attitude throughout. I'm still too blessed to be stressed and the Lord sees my struggles and trials and He is compensating by blessing my in other parts of my life . . . like my love life . . . to be continued.

Run with an Attitude of Gratitude!!!

2008-11-28T15:28:00.000-08:00

Everyone has a wish list of things that they want to do with their time here on earth. My list consists of things like going to Europe, trying out for the "Mo-tab", reading all the classical books on my European book list, learning a different language, etc. For my birthday this year my friends at work entered me in a 5K race. I took it as an encouraging complement for my desire to get into better shape, because one of my things on that list is running in a marathon. I've worked at many races across the country timing races and always wanted to run in one myself, but it was one of those dreams that you always think about but always find enough excuses not to go and do. Having someone sign you up, pay for everything and do it with you was the best gift I'd been given in a long time. The race was on Thanksgiving at the Draper "Utah Human Race" where there were more than a thousand runners who donated more that $10,000 to charities like the Utah Food Bank and others. For me the race was a mile stone in my life that I was just grateful that I was able to finish. My goal was to jog/walk (I'm not that fit yet) the 3 miles in under a hour. Despite the cold wet weather I finished in 45 minutes making my goal and finishing a mile stone for my life. My new goal is to continue running in 5K's to help me build to bigger races like 10K's and maybe someday a half marathon they have in Disney land one of these years. Either way this thanksgiving I came to feel extremely grateful for my body (curves and all) and the life that Heavenly Father has given me. I've found that life is for living and that our wish lists are possible if we just believe in ourselves and go for it. We make our lives what we want them to be so why not make the most of it!!!

Here we are at the end: (Left to right) Heather, Me, Peggy, Melissa, and Alisha.

No this isn't my new boyfriend. I wish the boy is fine!!!
Can you believe he ran the race this way, he had to be cold.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!!

2008-10-06T21:46:00.000-07:00

I can't tell you that how excited I was to see everyone at the reunion. It was packed, everyone seemed to be there which was awesome for the Parkinsons first reunion. Some of these guys I haven't seen since they left the mission. So here's some updates and fun stories. Mike Thatcher isn't a millionare yet but he's on his way with his new business he's made with his brother. I haven't talked to him since last reunion even though he lives in Taylorsville. In fact the first time he called and I texted him was at the reunion as we talked to each other on our cell phones from across the room, yes it was that crowded and it was funny. Then there's Kim Reed. I haven't seen her since she left New Jersey to sunny California which was about two years ago so lets just say it was exciting to see her. Kim's the most amazing girl, gorgeous actress and talented opera singer, but more than that she was a great missionary and a fantastic friend. I can't tell you how much fun a had with her and how much I needed her at that time in my mission.

Caressa Alexander is another one of those that I haven't seen since I left Jersey. She is the cutest little missionary I know, literally. She is about 5 feet tall but she has the heart of a giant. When I got to Sparta she was only a month out in the mission but I learned so much from her. She is a few years older then me and so has done a whole lot more like travel to Europe, which is why we decided to be travel buddies. Then there's my baby girl Neeka Matuauto. I see her more than any of my companions but I can't help it I love this girl. She was a handful to train but honestly she trained me. I got to take her to my mission birth place, Bayonne, which is ironic because she is so much like my trainer Heidi (Whimpey) Kholer. Both of them were on fire in this area because of their ability to relate to the ghetto people. The people loved them and this opened their heart to the gospel. Bayonne would not be the branch that it is today without these to amazing missionaries.

Last but not lease is my Hermana Austin. Now I never served with her, or lived with her, in fact I don't even think we served in the same area, but she is one of those girls that I can't help loving. I mean look at her she's gorgeous. However the greatest highlight of the reunion was seeing President and Sister Parkinson. They were my parents in New Jersey and I owe a lot of my mission to them. I value their opinion like my owe parents and I learned so much from them. Their love and support continues to help me.

My life in a nutshell

2008-09-24T21:06:00.001-07:00

Many of you have been harboring me about updating updating my blog and adding pictures but here's the thing my life is not that interesting. Honestly nothing exciting is going on right now, if fact it's enough that I am making it from one bad day to the other right now. I'm not trying to be negative it's just that right now things aren't going well. For example: I recently found out that my ex is now engaged to another and I haven't been on a date in 4 months, I got a D on one of my art history papers which was a first for me in all my schooling and the real highlight this week is I got sick. But even on the good weeks when things are normal my life is consumed by working fulltime and going to school. It seems like I don't have time for anything exciting to report, however there are those "little things" in my life that can sometimes be overlooked in the overhanging clouds of gloom that seem to pull me down. Like the new pez dispenser of tinkerbell that my mom bought me for christmas that I saw it at the house so she gave it to me early, this little toy makes me smile and remember the good times. Or there's the flowers that my dad bought me after he heard about Aaron's proposal to let me know that I was still beautiful and loved by someone. Then there's the sunset that I saw after my dad gave me a blessing because I was sick. This was the greatest of all! I know God is with me and is aware of my pain, however it's hard to feel these days so it's in these "little things" that I can find Him and gain the hope that I am lacking. So forgive me friends for not having any up dates, fun stories or exciting pictures but betters days are coming. . . or at least they better be.

Get mark . . . get set . . . go!

2008-09-03T19:25:00.000-07:00

Two ladies that I work with decided to race in a trianthlon next year and somehow they convinced me to do it too. I don't know what I'm thinking I haven't been swimming for at least 8 years and I haven't been a a bike for longer than that and here I am getting ready for a race that has me swimming for about 700 meters, then biking for 6 miles, and running for 3 miles after that. No kidding I am going to die! . . . but I'm excited. Heaven know that I need to lose the weight so the training alone will be worth the effort. And trust me it's only been a week into the training and already my body is screaming at me, so we'll see if I can make it. I really want to do this though, it's nice to have a goal for myself to focus on. It would be an amazing accomplishment to add to my already amazing life. . . and it's something that Aaron never would have expect me to do or think that I could do. Don't get me wrong this is my goal and it's not about him but it's nice to think that I am not the person he judged me to be. He judged me as an inactive, nonadventurous type and that hindered me from doing new things or growing as a person. So it's nice to be free to try new things and expain my horizon . . . even if it kills me, but then don't they say that what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Perhaps they didn't train and run in a trianthlon. :) All the same here we go, wish me luck.

One Word

2008-07-30T15:45:00.000-07:00

You only get one word per answer... no explanations, either. Enjoy!
1. Where is your cell phone? .................... purse
2. Your significant other?....................... lost
3. Your hair?.................................... brown
4. Your mother? ................................. camping
5. Your father?.................................. working
6. Your favorite thing?.......................... singing
7. Your dream last night?........................ forgetable
8. Your favorite drink........................... Water
9. Your dream/goal?.............................. Europe
10. The room you're in?.......................... cubical
11. Your ex?..................................... jerk
12. Your fear?................................... unloved
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years........... married
14. Where were you last night?................... home
15. What you're not?............................. elephant
16. Muffins...................................... random
17. One of your wish list items?................. man
18. Where you grew up?........................... T-ville
19. What are you wearing?........................ jeans
20. Your TV?..................................... flat
21. Your pets?................................... absent
22. Your computer? .............................. black
23. Your life?................................... rollercoaster
24. Your mood?................................... passive
25. Missing someone?............................. yes
26. Your car?.................................... red
27. Something you're not wearing?................ earings
28. Favorite Store?.............................. FYE
29. Your summer?................................. short
30. Your favorite color?......................... green
31. Last time you laughed........................ now
32. Last time you cried?......................... lastnight

Memory

2008-07-13T21:51:00.001-07:00

(I took this from Annie's blog and thought I'd try it out.)

1. As a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!

2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty funny to see the responses. If you leave a memory about me, I'll assume you're playing the game and I'll come to your blog and leave one about you. If you don't want to play on your blog, or if you don't have a blog, I'll leave my memory of you in my comments.

I am willing to give up this fight

2008-07-10T10:50:00.000-07:00

There are many battles that I am going to be more than willing to fight in this new page of my life, changes that I am going to fight for. However there is one battle that I am willing to give up and that's the battle for the love that I have for Aaron. I have fought for this love for years and have been burned time and time again but this too must stop. There is a song by Sarah McLachlan that expresses how I feel about this battle that I'll share here so you understand:

If I had the chance, loveI would not hesitate.
To tell you all the things I never said before. Don't tell me it's too late
[Chorus:]Cause I've relied on my illusions to keep me warm at night.
But I denied in my capacity to love. I am willing, to give up this fight.
I've been up all night drinking. To drown my sorrow down.
Nothing seems to help me since you went away. I'm so tired of this town.
Where every tongue is wagging. When every back is turned.
Their telling secrets that should never be revealed.
There's nothing to be gained from this, but disaster..
Here's a good one.. did you hear about my friend.
He's embarrassed to be seen now because we all know his sins.
If I had the chance love you know, I would not hesitate.
To tell you all the things I never said before. Don't tell me it's too late
[Chorus:]Cause I've relied on my illusions to keep me warm at night.
But I denied in my capacity to love. I am willing, to give up this fight.
Oh, I am willing to give up this fight..

This song says it all, but the the truth is, the dirty little secret have you is that the illusion of our love is not going to cut it anymore and it's time for me to stop trying to fight this winless fight and move on. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but that's what this blog is for. It's my cheap theropy, and even if no one reads it, it feels good to write it down and get it out. So thanks for listening and the check is in the mail.

New Beginnings

2008-07-09T20:36:00.000-07:00

I've decided it's time to turn a new page in my life. It's time to turn my back on all the pain, struggles and hardships of the past and look forward to the bright future that is mine for the taking. I am young and free to live my dreams and become anything and everything that I want to be. Nothing is holding me back but myself and that stops today. And so as a living proof to this change and adventure that I am striving for I am making this blog page so that some day I can look back and see how far I have come. So here we go . . .