Friday, June 12, 2009

God's opened window for Me

Lately I have been feeling depressed about my state of life . . . what else is new . . . as I saw door after door of life opportunities being slammed shut on me. I saw others around me, naming no names, who I saw soar with their lives as God opened different doors of opportunity for them, and I started to wonder when was it my turn for happiness. Only you know that saying that when God closes a door somewhere he opens a window, well it's true! You'd think I'd have learned that from my "troubles come in three" situation but I didn't. I have been holding on to the sting and the hurt of slammed door on a life of love that my experience with Aaron caused me for so long that I didn't see the windows that this brought to my life. Instead I felt myself suffocating in a room with all closed doors as I impatiently waited for God to open my window. But now I understand. I may still not be 100% happy with my single status but at least now I can see the blessings that I may have because of it.
Before Aaron I had dreams to go to Europe, to see and experience the art that I was studying and learning about, but because of my dream to have a family I put that dream on the back burner. When the door was slammed to get married I felt like it was the end of my dreams but now that I am going to France for two weeks I understand that by slamming one door, which wasn't the right door at that time anyway, God has opened the window to a life dream of mine. I don't mean to be so metaphorical but the point is that just when I was feeling at my wits end in frustration and depression with the way I saw my life not going (no future family or career) and the lack of the things I want more than anything, God knowing my pain and loneliness gives me a blessing to help me breathe and feel of importance again. It's just a wonder that He is so patient and forgiving to His the very impatient and frustrated daughter that I am as I wait for His timing and plan in opening life's doors of opportunity for me.