I am willing to give up this fight

There are many battles that I am going to be more than willing to fight in this new page of my life, changes that I am going to fight for. However there is one battle that I am willing to give up and that's the battle for the love that I have for Aaron. I have fought for this love for years and have been burned time and time again but this too must stop. There is a song by Sarah McLachlan that expresses how I feel about this battle that I'll share here so you understand:

If I had the chance, loveI would not hesitate.
To tell you all the things I never said before. Don't tell me it's too late
[Chorus:]Cause I've relied on my illusions to keep me warm at night.
But I denied in my capacity to love. I am willing, to give up this fight.
I've been up all night drinking. To drown my sorrow down.
Nothing seems to help me since you went away. I'm so tired of this town.
Where every tongue is wagging. When every back is turned.
Their telling secrets that should never be revealed.
There's nothing to be gained from this, but disaster..
Here's a good one.. did you hear about my friend.
He's embarrassed to be seen now because we all know his sins.
If I had the chance love you know, I would not hesitate.
To tell you all the things I never said before. Don't tell me it's too late
[Chorus:]Cause I've relied on my illusions to keep me warm at night.
But I denied in my capacity to love. I am willing, to give up this fight.
Oh, I am willing to give up this fight..

This song says it all, but the the truth is, the dirty little secret have you is that the illusion of our love is not going to cut it anymore and it's time for me to stop trying to fight this winless fight and move on. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but that's what this blog is for. It's my cheap theropy, and even if no one reads it, it feels good to write it down and get it out. So thanks for listening and the check is in the mail.