My Conundrum

So my sister Jesi has let me know that she does not want to live in this aparment anymore and that at the end of our contract this June/July we are going to move to a new apartment. That's not the real problem, the real conundrum is that the place that she has found and fallen in love with is a little expensive. My finances as they are a little tight between my new car, insurance (health and car) and school. It's a three bedroom apartment for $1045 a month, in which she could get the master bedroom and master bathroom, our friend Stephanie from parents ward would get the garage to park her car, leaving me with my own room (same size as Steph) sharing the 2nd bathroom with Steph. I'm the only one to not get any extra or special which is fine if I pay less rent then the others. Isn't that how it should go?

Everyone I've talked to said that the one with the master bedroom should pay $50 more and I don't know what the garage would be worth, but Jesi feels that because we are friends and family they shouldn't be charged as much for the extra perks as everyone says they should. So she took $30 off my third of the potential rent making my total $319 and both of them $364 a month. That's less than I'm paying now which is nice but with the extra utilities even being spilt by three I'm worried that things are still going to be tight. I don't want to live pay check to pay check like she does. I want to put money into savings every month so that I can travel if I want (I've been craving New York pretty bad) or be able to go to a concert or buy that pair of shoes without having to worry about paying my bills.

I don't know maybe I'm just overthinking this? I mean it is really nice apartment and the rent she's offering is less than what I pay now. I don't know it just makes me a little nervious. I'm going to go see a 3 bedroom apartment tomorrow for only $899 a month, maybe if I see how bad the $900 apartments are I'll feel more comfortable living in this $1000 one. Or perhaps the $900 one will be just as good and I'll see the other one is too much. The problem really depends on that and if Jesi likes it cause I want her to be happy too, it's just that she's picky and she has the money to be because she's not in school and so she can work more.

If I decide I don't like the apartment she does I'm not sure whats going to happen. We might have to split ways and I might have to move back home cause I can't afford to live by myself. That wouldn't be too bad, I really like my family but I'm 25 and I've been out on my own for almost 7 years between living at Snow college, my mission and these two years living with my sister.

Wow that felt good to get off my chest! So what do you think? I know it will all turn out okay but I want things to be fair and I really want to be comfortable financially.

Death by Italian

I've decided that my italian class this semester may be the actual death of me this time. I have a new professoressa who is more strict about the compiti e esame (homework and tests). I don't think that I am failing but I am pretty sure that I am not getting that B range grade that I have been able to pull off these past two years. Two years of this language and I am still struggling. . . ma va va (oh come on!) I met some return missionaries at my cousin homecoming this week who just returned from their missions in Italy. It was fun to talk in Italian with them, what little I could understand and speak, but it made me think that maybe I shouldn't have prayed so hard to be an english speaking missionary cause I could really use the gift of tongues right now. Especially when I found out that I have to have a B grade for grad school. Here I am a senior and ready to take the passing C grade just to be done with it when I find out about the grad school thing . . . again I say ma va va.

But don't worry I'm not going to die without a fight. I'll give it all I've got and then some. So wish me luck or at least say a prayer for me. Perche io bisogno di lo. (Because I need it.)

Senior Thesis

I just turned in my proposal for my Senior Thesis and having never done anything like this I am nervious about how I did. Therefore I am going to use this as a sounding board. My senior seminar class this semester is emphasized on Dutch Genre Paintings in the 17th century. I am focusing my thesis on a serious of paintings from this time in which a number of artists have painted images of paintings within their own paintings. Many historians have researched and theorized about the meaning of these paintings and the reasons for these Dutch artists to include them in their works. While I agree that some of these paintings-within-paintings present some interesting theories to explaining what the overall painting's meaning may be I don't think that all of them were meant to be intrepretted. Some historians take their theories and interpretations to far. Perhaps they were just paintings on the walls of these Dutch artist's world. It's like the wall labels in a museum that explain the meaning of an artwork that you are veiwing. While some may be a good intrepretation of the piece, sometimes it's worth ignoring the museums point of view so that you can enjoy the work for your self and make your own theories. My favorite example of this is a work by Johannes Vermeer: A woman holding a balance 1662. The painting behind this woman is of the Last Judgement, this has created theories that Vermeer meant for this piece to have a religious meaning as if the woman is weighing the ideals between good and bad.

So what do you think? Does any of this make sense? Clearly I still have a lot of research to do as I work out my arguement and try to bring in the arguements of others, but I think I have a basis for a good thesis. Even if you don't know much about Art history I would appreciate your thoughts, questions, or critique. Thanks all.

Pictures worth a 1000 words

England

Roman Gate, Germany

Calai, France

Eifle Tower, France

Arch of Triump, France

Dover Castle, England


Luxenburg

Saint Chapelle, France

Holland

Brugge, Belgium

Notre Dame,

France

Louvre, France

Paris, France

Oh, how I love Paris!

And this isn't even the half of what I saw!

God's opened window for Me

Lately I have been feeling depressed about my state of life . . . what else is new . . . as I saw door after door of life opportunities being slammed shut on me. I saw others around me, naming no names, who I saw soar with their lives as God opened different doors of opportunity for them, and I started to wonder when was it my turn for happiness. Only you know that saying that when God closes a door somewhere he opens a window, well it's true! You'd think I'd have learned that from my "troubles come in three" situation but I didn't. I have been holding on to the sting and the hurt of slammed door on a life of love that my experience with Aaron caused me for so long that I didn't see the windows that this brought to my life. Instead I felt myself suffocating in a room with all closed doors as I impatiently waited for God to open my window. But now I understand. I may still not be 100% happy with my single status but at least now I can see the blessings that I may have because of it.
Before Aaron I had dreams to go to Europe, to see and experience the art that I was studying and learning about, but because of my dream to have a family I put that dream on the back burner. When the door was slammed to get married I felt like it was the end of my dreams but now that I am going to France for two weeks I understand that by slamming one door, which wasn't the right door at that time anyway, God has opened the window to a life dream of mine. I don't mean to be so metaphorical but the point is that just when I was feeling at my wits end in frustration and depression with the way I saw my life not going (no future family or career) and the lack of the things I want more than anything, God knowing my pain and loneliness gives me a blessing to help me breathe and feel of importance again. It's just a wonder that He is so patient and forgiving to His the very impatient and frustrated daughter that I am as I wait for His timing and plan in opening life's doors of opportunity for me.

Troubles come in threes

I have had the must crazy five weeks in my life and it all involves my stink'n car. It started New Years Eve, I was in California with my family and my car was safely parked at my apartment . . . so I thought. However someone backup into my car and put a huge dent in my fender making it impossible to open my passenger door. No biggy the girl that hit me was really nice and responsible about it, but that's just the first trouble. Then about a week later I parked at my apartment building for 10 minutes before leaving to go see my sister after her surgery but when I went back outside to leave my car was gone. My car got towed!!! That's number 2. Then this last Friday I was at work all day and when I got off at 6:40pm and went to my car I realized that someone had bashed in my passenger side window and had stolen my radio. That's freakin number 3!!! I am so sick of all these troubles with my car. It's cost me too much money and will cost me more after number 3, and without a window or the ability to turn on the heat (they took the whole piece of dashboard that my radio was in) I am freezing in this weather. I know that when it rains it pours but come on enough is enough right?! But I do have to say that through all of this not everything has been bad, the Lord blessed me with a good attitude throughout. I'm still too blessed to be stressed and the Lord sees my struggles and trials and He is compensating by blessing my in other parts of my life . . . like my love life . . . to be continued.

Run with an Attitude of Gratitude!!!

Everyone has a wish list of things that they want to do with their time here on earth. My list consists of things like going to Europe, trying out for the "Mo-tab", reading all the classical books on my European book list, learning a different language, etc. For my birthday this year my friends at work entered me in a 5K race. I took it as an encouraging complement for my desire to get into better shape, because one of my things on that list is running in a marathon. I've worked at many races across the country timing races and always wanted to run in one myself, but it was one of those dreams that you always think about but always find enough excuses not to go and do. Having someone sign you up, pay for everything and do it with you was the best gift I'd been given in a long time. The race was on Thanksgiving at the Draper "Utah Human Race" where there were more than a thousand runners who donated more that $10,000 to charities like the Utah Food Bank and others. For me the race was a mile stone in my life that I was just grateful that I was able to finish. My goal was to jog/walk (I'm not that fit yet) the 3 miles in under a hour. Despite the cold wet weather I finished in 45 minutes making my goal and finishing a mile stone for my life. My new goal is to continue running in 5K's to help me build to bigger races like 10K's and maybe someday a half marathon they have in Disney land one of these years. Either way this thanksgiving I came to feel extremely grateful for my body (curves and all) and the life that Heavenly Father has given me. I've found that life is for living and that our wish lists are possible if we just believe in ourselves and go for it. We make our lives what we want them to be so why not make the most of it!!!














Here we are at the end: (Left to right) Heather, Me, Peggy, Melissa, and Alisha.



No this isn't my new boyfriend. I wish the boy is fine!!!
Can you believe he ran the race this way, he had to be cold.
























HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!!